I embarrassed myself in front of all my personalities
When we moved to Texas my senior year in high school, the five of us were stuck living in a Best Western motel for about a month. As can be imagined, we were a little cramped. The three of us kids rotated between sleeping in the queen bed for a week and then a sleeping bag. One of the running jokes was that each night, we would say good-night to each other and then I would start talking to myself. "Good-night" I would say and then answer with a "Good-night" to myself. After which, I would ask "What about me? Don't I get a good-night?" This would go on for about five minutes, at which point somebody would tell me to be quiet (usually it was me telling myself to be quiet).
What is the point of this little story you ask? Everybody needs a split personality. They come in very handy.
For example. Most people that know me fairly well (translated as more than five minutes), know that I have no brain-to-mouth barrier. I tend to say things first and then think about them later. With my "multiple personalities" however, there is always somebody to blame. "That wasn't me, it was me" was one of my personal favorites. Or, "I'm sorry, I took over and couldn't get control of myself before I said that." The great thing about the multiple personalities is that if somebody does get mad or hurt feelings, they aren't really mad at you, but at you. It is great.
All of me have worked out a plan. If I am grouchy, then it is not really me, but me #666. If I say something smart, then that is me #1, funny is me #2, stupid is me #A, and so forth. There are also some mute me's. They are the ones that are present when I am getting yelled at or in trouble. They are also the ones that come up with a lot of my "bad" ideas. That means that I am not getting in trouble or made fun of, but I am.
The great thing about multiple personalities is that you can develop them for specific situations. I am headed to Texas again in a few weeks and as fortune would have it, I will be living with ten other people, two of which are pregnant. This is the perfect opportunity to use my other personalities. Being human, there WILL come a point in time when the lack of a brain-to-mouth barrier will get me in trouble with at least all of the family I will be staying with. Unless it is personality #999, it won't be intentional. How do you deal with so many people that have different sensitivities and relationships? It may seem hard, but with numerous personalities, it doesn't have to be.
If somebody says something insensitive to me this is what I will do. I will put mute personality #226 in charge. He will get offended, but won't be able to say anything mean back. Then I switch out #226 for personality #342, which will try to understand why the person would say or do such a thing. Personality #342 will then tell #7 what the cause of the insensitivity was (did we hurt their feelings first and this is a response, are they just out of their element and this is their way of dealing with it, or are they just dumby faces). Finally, #7 will come up with a response that takes into account the fact that what was said was most likely not intentional, not meant to hurt the feelings of #226, and will help the offender understand that what they said was inappropriate or that there is a better way of saying it. This will be communicated from #7 to #1. #1 will then communicate this to the individual in a way that is probably not the best way but well intentioned. Hopefully, the other person also has numerous personalities and can find an effective means of dealing with the fact that when you have so many people with their own life's and ways of interacting with each other, there will be hurt feelings and toes will be stepped on, but that we all love each other and it isn't intentional.
The only flaw that I have found to the "Multiple Personality" system, is that there has yet to be a personality that can speak to a beautiful and attractive pregnant wife without saying or doing something that brings down the wraith of the "Bearer of the Baby." See what I mean about no brain-to-mouth barrier. And by the way, the lack of a barrier is usually the cause of the wraith.
#1 through 765, but not 766 through 1000 (a.k.a. Dan Smith)
What is the point of this little story you ask? Everybody needs a split personality. They come in very handy.
For example. Most people that know me fairly well (translated as more than five minutes), know that I have no brain-to-mouth barrier. I tend to say things first and then think about them later. With my "multiple personalities" however, there is always somebody to blame. "That wasn't me, it was me" was one of my personal favorites. Or, "I'm sorry, I took over and couldn't get control of myself before I said that." The great thing about the multiple personalities is that if somebody does get mad or hurt feelings, they aren't really mad at you, but at you. It is great.
All of me have worked out a plan. If I am grouchy, then it is not really me, but me #666. If I say something smart, then that is me #1, funny is me #2, stupid is me #A, and so forth. There are also some mute me's. They are the ones that are present when I am getting yelled at or in trouble. They are also the ones that come up with a lot of my "bad" ideas. That means that I am not getting in trouble or made fun of, but I am.
The great thing about multiple personalities is that you can develop them for specific situations. I am headed to Texas again in a few weeks and as fortune would have it, I will be living with ten other people, two of which are pregnant. This is the perfect opportunity to use my other personalities. Being human, there WILL come a point in time when the lack of a brain-to-mouth barrier will get me in trouble with at least all of the family I will be staying with. Unless it is personality #999, it won't be intentional. How do you deal with so many people that have different sensitivities and relationships? It may seem hard, but with numerous personalities, it doesn't have to be.
If somebody says something insensitive to me this is what I will do. I will put mute personality #226 in charge. He will get offended, but won't be able to say anything mean back. Then I switch out #226 for personality #342, which will try to understand why the person would say or do such a thing. Personality #342 will then tell #7 what the cause of the insensitivity was (did we hurt their feelings first and this is a response, are they just out of their element and this is their way of dealing with it, or are they just dumby faces). Finally, #7 will come up with a response that takes into account the fact that what was said was most likely not intentional, not meant to hurt the feelings of #226, and will help the offender understand that what they said was inappropriate or that there is a better way of saying it. This will be communicated from #7 to #1. #1 will then communicate this to the individual in a way that is probably not the best way but well intentioned. Hopefully, the other person also has numerous personalities and can find an effective means of dealing with the fact that when you have so many people with their own life's and ways of interacting with each other, there will be hurt feelings and toes will be stepped on, but that we all love each other and it isn't intentional.
The only flaw that I have found to the "Multiple Personality" system, is that there has yet to be a personality that can speak to a beautiful and attractive pregnant wife without saying or doing something that brings down the wraith of the "Bearer of the Baby." See what I mean about no brain-to-mouth barrier. And by the way, the lack of a barrier is usually the cause of the wraith.
#1 through 765, but not 766 through 1000 (a.k.a. Dan Smith)
posted by futboldan at 10:26 AM
4 Comments:
Hey #128, I think #302 is cute, but don't tell #129 cuz he'll get jealous. You can tell #301 cuz he'll let #302 know that I like him cuz he won't get jealous cuz he's allready hooking up with #29. Thanks, I'd really appreciate it.
What do you mean "bearer of the baby"! Is that a fat joke!? Just kidding. Tell number one he is sexy.
Hey #123,
I think that was the one I remember or was it #24? I can't believe you think #A is the stupid one. I know number A doesn't make sense but "A" is such a cool letter. he he
If that didn't give it away, Dan, this is Wayne. Tannie told me about your blog in an email.
You know I have multiple personalities too. Becky and I have given them names and not numbers. Hans is my Swedish body builder alter ego. He helps me do any heavy lifting and sounds a little like Arnold. Randall, he is the guy that gets in trouble for staying at work too late. François, is the French cook, that cooks French Toast. Manuel, is the guy who works in the backyard all weekend. And, Wayne is the one that feels the soar muscles the rest of the week.
So as you can see most people maybe just guys
have these multiple personalities to get by. Sorry Bill, the no-computer savoy guy acidently hit return. He sure can mess things up sometimes.
Post a Comment
<< Home